From: "Jim Voege" 
Newsgroups: misc.consumers.house rec.gardens
Subject: Re: neighbor problems?? It's TRUE!
Date: Thu, 1 Jul 2004 22:24:38 -0400


"paghat"  wrote in message
news:paghatSPAM-ME-NOT-0107041056350001@soggy72.drizzle.com...
> In article <10e8cpr6hjgs570@corp.supernews.com>, "Anonny Moose"
>  wrote:
>
> > "Vox Humana"  wrote in message
> > news:NQUEc.177187$DG4.86054@fe2.columbus.rr.com...
> > >
> > > "Anonny Moose"  wrote in message
> > > news:10e85jg6vropt03@corp.supernews.com...
> > > >
> > > > > > You expect us to believe that Dateline NBC get's it's e-mail
service
> > > > > > through Yahoo???
> > > > >
> > > > > That is EXACTLY what I thought when I read the post.
> > > > > -- 
> > > > > Bill R.      (Ohio Valley, U.S.A)
>
> The poster may have been a weirdo posing as more than was credible, but
> the topic became an interesting enough thread even so.
>
> When Granny Artemis & I first moved here a few years back, we had one
> neighbor, a retired police officer, who would swear very vulgarly at the
> top of his lungs in his back yard (usually at his innocuous bulldog), &
> became paranoid about the dykes whose house overlooked his. I think he was
> actually suffering small-pecker syndrome & didn't like the idea of butch
> girls higher on the hillside than him. For a while, any time he heard us
> in the back yard, he'd start cussing loudly at his dog -- obviously really
> for our benifit -- & he would bang on our door to complain about dumb
> things, like we got his lawn wet one day with our sprinkler, which we've
> been careful never to do again, but sheesh, if he wanted to pay for the
> water for our garden I wouldn't complain like that.
>
> For a few months we had endless minor troubles with him, like he'd call
> the city on us because the maple tree hung out over the sidewalk (in no
> one's way, but the ordinance says it can't hang above the sidewalk lower
> than ten feet or some such, & this was a little lower). Part of me wanted
> to kick his ass & show him what it's like to have an asshole for a
> neighbor, but on second thought I decided I was just going to be nice to
> him no matter how big an ass he was. Over time he's become less & less
> intrusive & paranoid about our presence & has even come close to seeming
> like a nice guy. He has a nice dog at least, & I try to always feel that
> anyone with a sweet playful elderly dog can't be all bad.
>
> If we'd continued to play his game of butcher-than-you which got him off
> on the wrong foot with us, it could've escalated into an endless feud, but
> I just couldn't stand the idea of maintaining a dislike for someone I was
> going to be living next door to for a long while. I prefer to reserve my
> strongest dislike for nazis, rapists, & child molesters, & not not waste
> negativity on some lonely old fart thumping his chest at me.
>
> One day the guy just told me "You better be scared of me" in an outright
> threat. I responded by calling him a "weird old coot -- the kind I like" &
> forced a big hug on him. Completely flabberghasted him, & from that day
> on, he stopped trying to be a nuisance. And it was much less work to be
> nice to him than to maintain a pointless grudge; even if I might've been
> able to justify being as rude as he used to be, that just takes a lot out
> of a body, whereas undermining his hostility with a sudden hug was kind of
> amusing & not at all draining to have done.
>
> It may have been dishonest to hug him & say I liked weird old coots,
> because I in no way liked him at that moment. But it seemed better to
> pretend fondness than to see if I could be more obnoxious than he was
> being. And I think the gambit ended up making life better for all
> concerned. Tempting though it was to "prove" to him he can't push us
> around, that just didn't seem like as rewarding a route as striving for
> peace. So I try at the very least to give a friendly wave every time he's
> in eye-shot, & a few times we've ended up in actual rational conversations
> about gardening, with no references to his behavior that first year we
> were here, & no need on my part for him to own up to having been such a
> jerk.
>
> I'm sure there are exceptional cases where no degree of reason or decency
> would win over a bad-egg neighbor. But I bet in 99% of cases, it takes two
> to tango, & even IF one of the two players was closer to "right" or
> "justified" in maintaining hostilities, it's still just two hard-headed
> fools in a pissing contest, & in most cases it's going to pay off better
> to be gentlehearted even in the face of someone's aggression, unless
> endless escalations over nothing-worth-a-fight is what one really is
> after.
>
You're absolutely right.  Your priorities are spot on.  On many occasions my
wife and I have held our tongues for the sake of peace.  And have never
lived to regret it.

Jim